Sunday, May 18, 2008

How Do You End a Curse?

This is a repost of an older post. We are still looking for a winner of the contest.

A close friend sent me an email today talking about how Gasol must have escaped the curse by moving to LA. It got me thinking. Does it only take a change of address to end a curse or is there something more to it?

The Chicago Cubs were jinxed by a goat, or so they say, and have never been able to break it. Of course they also haven't changed stadiums much less cities since the curse began.

The Boston Red Sox were jinxed by a trade and it took tearing down a house to break it. Not exactly a change of venue but a move of some sort just the same.

The Grizzlies has been cursed by a lottery machine. No matter how many times the franchise gets into the lottery it never seems to win or even get a fair shake for that matter. Sometimes the machine has just been cruel. Perhaps the Grizzlies need to move the lottery someplace else.

Everyone remember 2003 when a man named LeBron James was in the draft? Memphis could only keep their pick if they won the top lottery spot. Memphis made the first cut to be in the final three positions. They made the 2nd cut to have a 50/50 chance at the top spot. It was so exciting! It was the epitome of going for broke. It was all or nothing for the greatest player out of high school possibly in NBA history.

Memphis got nothing.

Last season was a similar situation. Memphis was guaranteed a top 4 pick in the draft. There were three players Memphis wanted: Greg Oden - the best center prospect since Yao Ming and possibly the best center since Shaquille O'Neal, Greg Oden - a SF who rewrote the Freshman scoring records in the NCAA and Al Horford - a rebounding big man who had led Florida to back to back national championships. The excitement was everywhere. The Grizzlies handed out Styrofoam ping pong balls to put on car antennas, people had watch parties all over the city. It was really exciting.

Lottery night people sat in disbelief when Memphis got the 4th pick in the draft. Sure they got Mike Conley and he is a promising young point guard but he wasn't what the Grizzlies exactly hoped for either.

This isn't a Memphis phenomena however. How about in 1999 when Vancouver had a chance at Elton Brand but ended up with the second pick. Sure they picked a player who went on to play in the All-Star game 3 times. He just never did it in a Grizzlies uniform.

So once again the Grizzlies and Memphis are gearing up for the lottery. Once again the team has an opportunity to get a franchise changing player. Two chances at a franchise changing player actually if you consider that either Derrick Rose or Michael Beasley could be wearing Beale St Blue next season.

But before that happens we have to break the Curse.

Now Memphis already got rid of the curse of the cast when they traded Pau Gasol to LA for 'future considerations.' We already saw what that did for his career. One can only imagine what the 19 yr old Javaris Crittenton, the $9 million in cap space from Kwame's contract and the two #1 picks from the Lakers will result in but whatever happens it won't be because the Grizzlies auctioned off Pau's stinky cast.

So short of moving the franchise what do the Grizzlies need to do? There is a website that I found to help us. It gave these instructions:

Step 1:
Lose faith in the ability of the curse to cause harm. Curses work on your imagination since no one genuinely has the ability to place one. Curses only work when you believe in them. Stop believing the curse can affect your life and it loses power over you.

Step 2:
Learn about the magic of the person who placed the curse. Superstitious practices evoke curses in different ways. To defeat the curse you must find out how it works and gain its powers. Practicing witches and sorcerers may be able to help you break the power of the curse.

Step 3:
Locate the source of the curse. Find the object that was used to place the curse.

Step 4:
Buy protection from the curse or a curse breaker. Powerful amulets may offer protection against the curse while you are wearing them. Magic potions and herbs could lift the curse when used correctly. You want a source of strong white magic to counteract the dark magic of the curse. Beware of scam artists who will charge you lift the curse. Never pay anyone a large sum to remove the curse.
So step 1 is to stop believing in the curse. Sounds simple enough until you realize this is Memphis. This is the city that runs into UCLA every time we have a great team on the way to the college basketball national championship. When we finally beat UCLA along comes Kansas and ...I still can't talk about it. This is the city that's motto should be 'nothing will ever work out right for us.' How do you convince everyone to just stop believing in a curse?

Step 2 at least was easy in that we know who is cursing us. Stu Jackson is the root of all that is wrong with the Grizzlies. I don't know what kind of magic he has but the only thing more incredible than Stu Jackson taking his resume with the Grizzlies to one of the most influential positions in the NBA's headquarters has been Isiah Thomas' ability to hold onto his job in NY. We are talking about some serious power here.

Step 3 is easy too. We know where the curse is located. In that damn lottery machine that keeps ripping out the hearts of Grizz fans all over North America.

Step 4 is why I am writing this blog. I need the readers to help us out. Find some good white magic amulets and potions. And no it isn't the two-fisted types. Memphis fans (like PMI) has tried those for years with no success.

Which brings us to step 5, my personal favorite:
Step 5:
Curse the curser.

Like I haven't been cursing Stu Jackson's name enough over the last 8 years. The problem is I don't know how to curse someone properly. Apparently using their name in vain isn't what they mean here.

The article has information on how to do this as well. To curse someone take an object connected to the curser and place a curse on it. Ask a witch doctor or some other person who practices curses to place a counter curse. Finally, tell the person who cursed you, and it cancels the curse he or she placed on you.

So does anyone have something owned by Stu Jackson? His scalp would be great but other things may work as well. Does anyone know a witch doctor or even a witch nurse?

And does anyone have Stu Jackson's email address???

What we need something or someone who is knowledgeable about magic to break the curse. We are open to suggestions. In fact we are willing to have a contest. Come up with the best idea on how to break the curse and you will win a Rudy Gay jersey from 3 Shades of Blue. Leave any thoughts in the comments area of the post. No idea is too strange. No potion too alcoholic. We are ready to believe in you!

In the interest of fair and open disclosure our attorneys have recommended we attach this warning.

Even though a curse can be carried out by anyone, a curse from an individual trained in dark magic is stronger.

BallHype: hype it up!


GrizzledGrizzFan said...

From this [url=]link[/url] - for what it's worth...
Also, for those who may be so inclined, I believe I have found David Stern's and Stu Jackson's email addresses. I sent these to email addresses emails more than 15 minutes ago and have not received failure notices so they more than likely work.

David Stern:
Stu Jackson:

Anonymous said...

I ran across this on the internet. Whoever is going to represent the Grizzlies at the lottery should strongly consider this! -Gman

{Break a hex or crossed condition}Anoint three pink candles with uncrossing ol and place on the alter.Place seven pieces of temple incense cones in an incense burner and light each piece with a diffrenet match.Also light the pink candles,each with a separte match.The hexed party bows to the incense three times.Sprinkle him/her three times with holy water(water that has been blessed).Repeat the bowing before the alter and this time the incense burner is lifted from the alter and its smoke is waved over the hexed one's head.Do this each time they bow.Next sprinkle him seven times with the holy water.Sprinkle in each corner of the room and sprinkle down the center of the room.Sprinkle across the room to form a cross.The hexed party is then stood on the intersection of the cross.Place another incense burner near the doorway and light seven temple incense cones in it.As the smoke rises take their hand and lead them through the smoke three times.Then return them to the center of the cross.Take up the doorway incense burner and smoke each corner of the room and every other part of the room.When this is completed give him a red flannel bag containing a high john the conqueror root and a lucky hand root.Bid them go in peace.

Anonymous said...

I liked the sacrifice Stu Jackson idea.

Keith said...

I feel the only way to cure the curse is to send Three Six Mafia to represent us at the draft lottery. Hell, they were the last people from Memphis to win something that mattered! And if we don't end up getting it with them there. We get them to grab David Stern and WHOOP THAT TRICK!

J.C. said...

I think we make an amulet with Rudy Gay's shoes then put them around mike conley's neck to show that we are happy about the pick that we were given this year and to show we are ok with whatever happens. We sign otis thorpe to a one day contract to be in the draft room. Tell our GM to take the day off so they aren't involved in the process that is the only thing i can remember from last year is Jerry West's face.

Then we have Darko, Kwame, and Jcritt the latest results of the curse and get them to play the espn mock draft lottery until their fingers bleed.

Then we cross our fingers in Memphis at exactly the same time to counteract the curse on the day of the lottery.

aumandjoy said...

I say we send Rudy to the lottery to pick up our #1.

But then if we don't get it we blame him for his lack of leadership, luck, and courage and then send him off to Boston for Sam Cassell and "cash considerations"

aumandjoy said...

o yea, and Boston's 1st round pick ... thats crucial

Anonymous said...

While it may be tough to rid ourselves of our curse, I was thinking that maybe we could amplify the bad luck of the other lottey teams. If you look through the list of lottery teams they have all had their ups and downs with obviously more downs here lately. All we have to do is get a collection of items that would pertain to each teams problems over the last few tears.A few examples are :

Miami - Hair Gel ( I would say Pat Riley is responsible for a good bit of their bad luck seeing that he put this team together )

Knicks - a blank check and Isiah Thomas basketball card ( unlimited spending on bad players have decimated them )

Bobcats - Bandaids ( Injuries the last few years have really slowed down alot of their young talent )

While these are just a few examples I'm sure if we worked together we could compile a very good list of bad luck items sure to increase the bad mojo of the other teams.

Chip Crain said...

We have a new leader in the clubhouse. Cehoward's idea is both ingenious and easy to do!

We may be needing a mailing address if no one comes up with a better idea.

black said...

Its hard to explain to your girlfriend why you are so excited about today. She keeps saying "I thought they didnt make the playoffs".



Anonymous said...

Did I win?

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