Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Juice vs. Juice

by Zac

First off, big ups to our friends at Hardwood Paroxysm for the "OJ Mayo's Swagger vs. Megan Fox's Sexiness" blog.

Also, I'd just like to say to Chip, what a fantastic interview with Coach I. I know all Grizz fans are pulling for Ivy this season.

Now let's get on to the business at hand.

Clay Aiken finally came out. FINALLY.

Just kidding. Who gives a funk-and-wagnalls about that?

Let's talk about OJ Mayo. Our rookie. Our newest face, our future star. One half of the Gay and OJ duo. He just oozes style, and swagger. He's been called the next big thing...compared to Kobe...the swagger of LeBron...etc. Who could I, a measly blogger, compare OJ Mayo to that would even match the direct correlations of the former?


O.J. Simpson.

Whatthe#@&! ????

That's right. Name for name, baby. OJ for OJ.

I'll give you a few minutes to settle down.

*Listens to some RATM via Ipod*

Good, you're back. I can begin now.

Round One: Slashing Abilities

As you can read here due to graphic violent language (You're welcome, kids) , Mr. Simpson was quite proficient in his slashing abilities. He (of course, this was in his prime, so I don't believe he could do this now) was able to slash through not one, but two defenders at once with ease. Mayo likewise is a very good slasher, able to get around one, two, perhaps three or any number of defenders you throw at him. As his profile indicates, he "is very confident dribbling against pressure and trapping defenses, and knows how to use his body to get to the hoop....and has a variety of moves and jerky fakes that create enough seperation for him to get his shot off."

Winner: Tie

Round Two: Court Behavior

OJ Simpson is a known narcissist, and an egotistical man, but by all accounts was somber and quiet in court. He let his teammates do the talking. OJ Mayo is humble when he is away from the court, but is a beast on it, unleashing a typhoon of swagger and arrogance, knowing that he is one of if not the best player on the court at the time. Sounds like a draw doesn't it? Alas, it is not. Our dear Mayo goes down to Simpson in this round simply because Simpson's team let him get away with murder in the court, and Mayo couldn't even get past a flopping ref.

Winner: Simpson

Round Three: Bigger Entourage

Mayo's entourage got him into trouble when an associate leaked a story about Mayo accepting gifts. Not cool, Lil' OJ. Meanwhile, Simpson, along with an entourage of his own robbed sports memorabilia from a Las Vegas hotel room and were charged with kidnapping and assault with a deadly weapon to boot. This one could go both ways. Simpson was taking things that were allegedly "his" sports memorabilia. Mayo wasn't stealing nor taking his items back, he was purchasing new items, but "illegally" according to for lack of a better word, "Collegiate Ethics." In that respect, it almost seems like yet another draw. However, Simpson's antics landed him in jail again. The edge goes to Mayo in this one.

Winner: Mayo

Overall: Mayo 1, Simpson 1, Draw

So there you have it. After research, it seems they are even. You never would have thought that, now would you? That's why we're bring you the unexpected. Let's just hope Mayo is a "killer" on the court, not off the court.


This was for entertainment purposes only. We here at 3ShadesofBlue do not necessarily believe OJ Simpson was a murderer and or guilty of any crime. We try to stay as bipartisan and impartial to any one side in particular.


A. said...

This was funny, I loved it!
Keep up the good work!!!


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