Tuesday, January 1, 2008

New Year's Resolutions


As we all know, this is the time of year for people to make resolutions. Of course, when that word is used, it typically conjures up the image of someone wanting to lose 15 pounds, quit smoking or accomplish one of those lifelong goals, only to give up on it two weeks into January. What does "resolution" really mean though? According to Webster's it is defined as "the act or process of resolving". So what does "resolve" mean? It is defined as "to reach a firm decision about". In other words, it isn't something that should be taken lightly or easily forgotten about.

So with that said, here are what I think the New Year's Resolutions for the Memphis Grizzlies should be and actually will be.

Marc Iavaroni
What his resolution should be: Complete his 50-game evaluation of the roster, establish a firm 8-man rotation, set his offensive and defensive schemes in place by drilling them into the players' heads mercilessly and set aside an hour a day to work with Darko and Pau since he is a well-respected big man coach.
What his resolution will be: Get people to stop calling him Noodle-roni when he's not around.

Stromile Swift
What his resolution should be: To play well enough to garner significant playing time so that he can opt out of his contract at the end of the summer and earn one more "big" payday before doing the "year-to-year veteran contract" dance for the remainder of his career.
What his resolution will be: To find out why his twin brother doesn't work at the Forum mopping up the floor anymore and decide if he has "enough lift" to play before every game.

Damon Stoudamire
What his resolution should be: To mentor Conley and Lowry until his eventual trade while continuing to attempt to light a fire under his teammates for their lackluster play and apathetic approach to the game.
What his resolution will be: To get Chris Wallace to trade him to a contender and include bus fare, so that he can avoid those pesky airport metal detectors.

Andre Brown
What his resolution should be: To work hard in practice and retain his "happy to be here" approach to being an NBA player, while working on his free throws.
What his resolution will be: To stay away from Darko as much as possible -- he eats babies, after all.

Casey Jacobsen
What his resolution should be: To maintain his position as the team's best blogger and work on regaining his shooting touch.
What his resolution will be: To continue to do as many pregame interviews with Rob Fischer as humanly possible in preparation for his future career as a broadcaster.

Kyle Lowry
What his resolution should be: To maintain his aggressiveness without committing bad fouls and turnovers, towork on his outside shooting and to recall what a "kickout pass" is.
What his resolution will be: To see if the NBA will allow him to don shoulder pads while playing so that he can drive to the basket more effectively.

Jeremy Richardson
What his resolution should be: To do something to impress the coaching staff in practice, in the hopes that it will earn him some playing time in a meaningful situation and make everyone forget who Tarence Kinsey was.
What his resolution will be: To hide all the team issued headbands before gametime so that he's the only one wearing one.

Tony Barone
What his resolution should be: To scout and evaluate the top international talent that could be acquired for a 2nd round pick that Chris Wallace will acquire at some point this season.
What his resolution will be: To make everyone forget that he was the head coach of this team most of last year.

Hakim Warrick
What his resolution should be: To work on improving his ball-handling and defense, while honing his low-post moves and mid-range jumper.
What his resolution will be: To continue to be a black hole on offense, because scoring is what breaks the bank come contract time.

Brian Cardinal
What his resolution should be: To mentor the younger players and be a positive influence in the locker room and in practice.
What his resolution will be: To buy a few more suits, so that he doesn't wear any of them out as he spends the season on the Inactive List.

Juan Carlos Navarro
What his resolution should be: To continue being a dynamic playmaker and big shot taker while reading the rulebook to get a handle on this whole "palming/carrying" thing.
What his resolution will be: To learn the English words for "mid-level exception" and "put me in Coach...I'll make it".

Darko Milicic
What his resolution should be: To regain full use of his left hand (which isn't in great shape), learn how to use his right hand effectively and to force Iavaroni to work with him as much as possible on low-post moves.
What his resolution will be: To send those Italian referees a fruit basket and a Grizzlies T-shirt.

Michael Conley
What his resolution should be: To let the game come to him, rather than forcing things and to heed what the coaches and veteran players teach him.
What his resolution will be: To establish a 180 bowling average with each hand.

Mike Miller
What his resolution should be: To SHOOT THE BALL early and often after requesting that the coaching staff move him back to his successful 6th man role.
What his resolution will be: To find some new hairbands and to stop swallowing pieces of his mouth guard.

Rudy Gay
What his resolution should be: To develop some low-post moves while honing his ball-handling and mid-range game.
What his resolution will be: To dunk on Yao Ming and Dikembe Mutombo.....at the same time.

Pau Gasol
What his resolution should be: To stop talking to the media on both continents....forever, to get healthy and to quit emulating Tim Duncan's whining technique while copying everything else Timmy does.
What his resolution will be: To stop people from calling him "Paul".

Chris Wallace
What his resolution should be: To trade away the players who don't fit the future plans of the team ASAP after the 50-game evaluation period, to acquire some more draft picks, even if they are 2nd rounders and to continue to be the personable nice guy that we've seen so far.
What his resolution will be: To see if he can sneak into Boston's victory parade after they beat the Spurs for the title in June.

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